disturbed-chaos - A little bit of help would be great ^^

« A little bit of help would be great ^^ »

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Nov 24, 2009, 5:05am

Disturbed.Chaos V.2
The land is known for the chaos that lies around it, from the every day predators that lurk all over to the month wrangling when the humans invade over the land capturing horses, but when horses start to depart from their homelands and enter the lands of chaos the humans and predators become disturbed. One by one horses come from all parts of the world to live in this well known land, once you enter there is no turning back. King of light:: Thunderclap Queen of light:: Heir of light:: King of neutral:: Fire And Ice Queen of neutral:: Heir of neutral:: King of dark:: Guess Queen of dark:: Lyssa Heir of dark::	The month of wrangling has come and the snow has melted, the horses of Disturbed Chaos will soon be interupted by the humans who will chase them into one of the neutral lands and the wrangling will begain, the light, neutral, and dark will be forced to work together as a team, though a few fights may break out they will have no other choice but to work together, or the land the horses once lived on in peace will be bare, the horses on it will be exinct and turned into tamed equine. There will be a few hero's, the ones to save the captured! The horse to lead in the wranglers will be Legend, he will also be a hero, he was wanted by the humans for several years, and this year they are right on his tail. and when he runs into a herd land, they follow him and find other horses, and they begain to wrangle them, ALL LEADS BE PREPARED FOR LEGEND! PM [F]idelia [A]niela and tell her which character of yours will like to be captured or heros. Not all of your character can be hero's! Feel free to advertize on the affilate board, but you must have our banner up if yours is accepted.	Disturbed Chaos is a semi-literate to literate wild horse roleplay site. Please read the rules! This is Version two: The Month Of Wrangling, so this is the start of autumn and every year at the start of autumn is the month of wrangling, all of the cowboys bring in their fastset horses and show them off, while capturing the wild, disturbing the horses and driving most to their home town ranches! So watch out! Season:: Autumn Tempature:: +2 Wind:: 2 MPH Breeding:: Yes Foaling:: Yes

disturbed-chaos :: General :: Take A Lesson :: A little bit of help would be great ^^

Author Topic: A little bit of help would be great ^^ (Read 98 times)
*Espina*
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A little bit of help would be great ^^
« Thread Started on Jan 6, 2007, 6:16am »
Well not trying to brag or anything... But I am rather pleased with the quanity (length) of my posts but not the quality... I post in umm *forgets* I think it's called first word or something like that me and I not third she did this he... blah blah... Anyway getting to the point I'd just like to improve on my posting more because I seem to type a lot of what my character is thinking and not describing the scenery. Here's one of my posts from a few days ago...

Quote:
[center] [image]
x.You can complain because roses have thorns

A quick flash of sleek Arabian body could be seen slinking around the lands. I walked with curiosity checking out the lands that looked so peaceful. A devilish yet seductive look captivated my eyes that usually looked so innocent. Hahaha it was funny for me; having those stallions drop when I went walking by. I’m not being full of myself just stating the facts… it’s how it usually happened in my old lands. All the stallions wanted a foal with me, wanted me to be their queen wanted me as an ally. But no those silly stallions, Espina doesn’t want a foal. Well not just yet anyway, I had many many allies in my old land I was often known as the queen of darks. At the moment all I wanted to do was find a herd where I can reside after a day of killing and conversing. Also a quiet place where I can think of my next murderous plans. Maybe some allies in this oh so ‘wonderful’ world. So that darling little pregnant dogy Espina can screw the lights world over. I laughed inside my head; this should start getting interesting soon.

Each step was meaningful my eyes scanning every little thing in this land, every blade of grass and ever leaf off a tree. Although not many blades of grass could be seen as the snow covered it thickly. A chill consumed my body as I heard something whispering my name ‘Espina, Espina.’ It was eerie almost like whatever was calling my name was dead, like it had been to hell and back. I tried to shake it from my mind but it stayed there. The wind that was whipping my mane a few seconds ago stopped and the voice stopped as well. I looked to the skies; that was really odd. Well whatever, I came to a halt under a big oak tree. No leaves covered its branches… no it was bare. It was dead; the white crisp snow lay around the foot of its trunk. Burying the roots underneath; no one had come yet and I was getting more bored by the second. The wind suddenly picked up again making my lips form into a confused smile. In an eerie and daring yet seductive voice I whispered…

“Come my darlings I wish to play.”

My words were carried off on the wind; although I only whispered them quietly many horses from afar would be able to hear that voice. That sweet daring voice of the one they call Espina.

or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.x

Yeah so if you can give me any pointers... say what you like, dislike and say what I can improve on it would be great

Thanks once again ♥ *Whinny* [/center]
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[F]idelia [A]niela
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Re: A little bit of help would be great ^^
« Reply #1 on Jan 6, 2007, 4:45pm »
^{Well, you have great posts...and you want to post more on the senery i think your posts could be very literate, advanced literate, you don't need any help...just use more detail on the scene your character is in :]}
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*Espina*
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Re: A little bit of help would be great ^^
« Reply #2 on Jan 6, 2007, 4:59pm »
Aww thanks loff *Feels embaressed* Ish shall try and remember for my next post ^^
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[F]idelia [A]niela
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Re: A little bit of help would be great ^^
« Reply #3 on Jan 6, 2007, 5:41pm »
no need to embaressment- ^
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